Scars of The Past Never Fade
by MissAlysiaFromFrance
Summary: Erin and Jay are together but when his past resurfaces, will their relationship suffer about his past ? The summary sucks I know. But I hope you will like it.
1. Revenge isn't a answer

**_This story take place after the final. In this story Severide and Erin have broken up and Erin and Jay are at the really beginning of their love story. _**

**_It's a total AU after the first chapter because I will talk about things we don't know about Jay. Like his family, his childhood (most his about his childhood) the secret he keep and his military time. Because after all we don't know that much about him. _**

**__****_The story is rated T but for this chapter his rated M the_** beginning of the chapter his a little hot but I decide to start the story like that. Anyway enjoyed this first chapter and don't be nasty when you will saw my mistake I'm french so...  


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**_Chapter one : Revenge isn't a answer_**

It was their second date. Jay wanted their second date to be unforgeable but simple because their first date was a mess. So after work he took Erin to the restaurant. It was a beautiful evening they both enjoy. After the dinner he invite Erin to a last drink at his place. He wanted to surprise her so he present her a bottle of a old Irish whiskey he was keeping since a long time ago. To be honest it was a give from one of his best friend to thanks him for saving her life in Afghanistan. He was keeping it for a special occasion and tonight was. It was their first date and for sure it was a beautiful evening. Erin was surprise by Jay and now the only thing she could think was why she and Jay wait so much time.

"Oh my god this whiskey is...whoa."

"It's an Macalan of 20 years old." He replied as he smile to her.

"Are you trying to impress me Halstead ?" She said as she put her glass on the table. "Thank you for tonight, it was...amazing...and you where amazing."

She slowly leaned on him and pressed her lips against his. It was a sweet kiss that quickly turned in something more passionate. Her hands were running under his shirt touching his skin as his hands were busy to caress her thighs that she wrapped around his hips. At first they wanted to take things slow ad Erin provide to not have sex after tonight and at the moment they were both agree, but now it was just too hard and they both succumbed to each other.

She began unbutton his shirt and throwed it on the floor. She could feel his hands under her dress. Slowly Jay rose her from the couch, her legs were still wrapped around his hips, and they crashed on his bed without broke the kiss. Her dress fell on the floor like Jay's shirt before. As she was trying to unlock his belt Jay's snaked his hands on her back and unhooked her bra. It was hot and heavy between them, they should have stop, and taking things slow, but the lust, the sexual tension accumulated with the time and the desire of each other was too strong to fight. Every caress from Jay on her thigh make her frozen, and with her kiss Erin was driving him crazy. When she finally unlock his belt she kick off his jean with her foot to his ankle. She do the same with his boxer and soon enough they where both naked enjoying this delicious contact of their burning skin in one others.

She could feel his warm breath on her neck as he place a soft kiss it, one again he capture his lips, their tongue where dancing together. When he finally enter in her, causing her to moaning against his lips and arch her back to have him more deeper. As she...to being faster, he push his body inside her more faster than before and whispered a soft "Erin at her heard" Suddenly he felt her nails scratching his back. Suddenly Erin move on the top, they intertwine they fingers together as they made eyes contact. Jay was looking at her, his glance full of lust and desire, like hers. Jay carefully lean her on to kiss her passionately as they changed again their position. With a one last pumps into her, they both scream of pleasure, she bite his neck to stifle her scream. Jay slowly rested his head against hers and place a soft kiss on her cheek They where both breathless and sweaty. They both move a little, intertwined their legs trying to catch their breath. They slowly fall asleep in each other arms.

He wake up the next morning with a empty bed. She wasn't by his side. He start to think that last night might be a dream. But when he heard someone approaching the bedroom he knew it wasn't. He sat on his bed looking at Erin who was holding a cup of coffee. She was wearing one of his shirt and he could tell that it was the only thing she was wearing. She was sexy and at the same time beautiful simply dress with his shirt.

"Morning" He said with a raspy voice.

"Morning" She answer as she sat next to him after putting the cup on the "I guess we failed at "We should taking things slow" She smile as she approach his lips.

"I guess so."

Erin gently leaned of him to place a soft kiss on his lips. She felt his hands under her shirt, his shirt. She caress his chest and it's just now that she realize something. He was wearing his military chains. Maybe just a little details but she found him even more sexy.

"You never remove them ?"

"It's a part of me." He whispered trying to kiss her.

"As much as want to we really don't have time." She said smiling as she got up.

"You sure ?"

"Think about what will happen if Voight ever learn about you and me." She said as she make her way to the bathroom closely follow by Jay who wasn't scared of his boss at all. He heard the water flow and enter in the shower pressing his body against hers. She smiled as he kiss her passionately. The water was dripping on their bodies they both let consume each others. Their shower take a little more time than usual but at least they enjoyed it. They where running late, they weren't go to Erin's place to change her clothes and it was nearly eight. She watch him desperately as he was searching for something since about a minute. He was just wearing his jeans and his shoes. When she heard someone knocking at the door she knows that they were gonna be really late. Erin opened the door and face with a blond haired woman. She was taller than her but maybe smaller than Jay.

"Can I help you ?" Erin ask her gently.

"I'm searching for Jayson, is he still live here ?" She ask serious.

As Jay hear someone talking to Erin he walk toward the door still shirtless, and smiled immediately as she saw who she was. Grace. She was maybe his best friend. She was always by his side when things went wrong and of course he was there for her to. When the woman saw him she quickly walkk toward him and take him in her arms.

"What bring you to Chicago ?"

"Well Irish man say hello to the new paramedic of 51"

"You work there ?" He ask surprise.

"Today is my first day. By the way I'm Grace an old friend of Jay and you are ?"

"I'm Erin, his girlfriend." She didn't know why she just said that, even if it was true she could have content herself with a simple "Her partner" but she didn't, somehow she felt threatened by this blond girl who was showing at Jay's flat at eight in the morning and that fact she known him better than her.

"Nice to meet you Erin." Grace turn his head to Jay to face him. "I gotta go or I will be late for my first day." She was about to left but she slowly turn to face Jay one more time. But this time his look was different, it was something between sadness and compassion. "And Jayson..."she looks at Erin before taking his arm to talk to him in private. "You should stop...you should stop searching the father O'Connor. You know that revenge is not the answer. And your d...Sean came out of prison today so if you ever see him don't do anything stupid, like I said revenge will not help you Jay."

He didn't say anything, because after all she was right. She was damn right Whatever he will do it will for sure not bring his mom back and will ever make his brother better. She leave this world a long time ago now. Letting him alone in this mad world. Like his mom use to say "It's not the world who is mad it's the people that live in it." She was right to.  
Jay watch Grace leave his place and turn to face Erin and fake a smile.

"We should...I drove you to your place."

She wasn't blind, she could see in his eyes that something was changed. It was a mixed between sadness and anger. His eyes were wet but his his jawbone was tight. At this moment she all she wanted was what make him like that. After all she don't know that much about him, she didn't even know that he was Jayson and that Jay is just "nickname" and nothing more.

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**_So what did you think of this chapter ? Tell me your opinion, and maybe what you want to see in the next chapter._**


	2. Complicate

**_Chapter two : Complicated_**

"Grace ?" She ask as she take off her jacket.

"She's a old friend, we were in the same unit in Afghanistan but she was a doctor.» He said as he take his bagde. "You have nothing to worry about, she's like a sister to me."

"You think I'm jealous ?"

"Yeah I think you are jealous because she huge me, because she know more about me than you. I know her since I'm eighteen so...don't be jealous.» He said as he kiss her on the cheek.

Jay left the lockeroom and sat on his desk. After all they weren't that late. Everyone wasn't there yet. He turn on his computer and start to search some things. Although his eyes where focus on the screen he could felt Erin's glance on him.

"What ?" He ask gently without taking his eyes off the scree.

"What did she say to you ?" She seriously.

He reach his eyes of the screen and look at her. For a moment he found nothing more to said "Nothing important" Which was clearly a mistake. But he couldn't tell her the truth. What will she think of him after ? Judging by the look in her eyes, Jay could tell that she was angry that he wouldn't something with her. But he is not ready to talk about his past, his childhood, his dad or his little brother, Bunch who's always in trouble. He wasn't ready to tell her all the rules he break for him, all the risk he took for him, how he always cover him when he made a mistake. And after all he did, he find the audacity to criticize Voight and his actions.

"Look...it's complicated."

"So...it's not important but complicated it's what you said Jayson ?"

"Don't called me like that."

«Oh I see, Grace is the only one which as the privilege to call you by your name.» Erin slammed as she take open a file that was on her desk. «She's such a luky girl.» In her voice Jay heard a bit of jealousy. As he wanted to say something Ruzek and Antonio went up the stairs. So he stay quiet, and keep working. Slowly a loud silence take place in the office.

"What's going on ?" Ruzek ask them.

"It's complicated." Erin answer him without looking at him.

"What is complicated."

"My boyfriend."

Suddenly Erin react her head to face with Jay. Her eyes tell everything. She's was obviously angry after him and jealous of this girl. But He didn't lie, Grace is like a sister to him. She mean a lot as his eyes. She has a big place in his heart, and she love her, but not the same way as she love Erin. Him and Grace been trough hell during war. They fight together, they lost friends together and they both lost a lot. Jay remembered this days when she lost her right legs after stepping on a mine. He remembered hearing a thud, see dust everywhere, hearing scream and feeling a brutal pain on his left leg, then he remember Grace. She wasn't lying on the sand yelling to death and asking him if her left leg will survive. At the moment she didn't even saw that her right leg was gone. This day, with a painful and deep wound Jay carry her in his arms for about fourteen minutes. He was there for her recovery and she was by his side when he needed her.

"Severide ? I thought you two have broken up." Antonio ask as he sat on his desk.

"We have, I told you. Where do you live, in a cave ?" She smiled. "And I will not talk about my love life at work."

The room remind silence untill Platt walk in the office with a young man by her side. One of his hand was shaking, he face was pal with a thin beard on his cheeks, he was smaller than Sergent Platt maybe as tall as Erin. His short red hair was marked by a scar on the top of his skull. He eyes were the same crystal blue than Jay. He was wearing a black jeans with a green t-shirt with the name of a Irish pub on it. It was his little brother, and like usual he was lost. By just one look Jay could tell that he have drunk a lot. He was a broken man, broken since his childhood, since a priest abuse of him. He was only seven and since that day his brother his dead. He slowly drown in alcohol and drugs. This man killed in his little brother, he took everything for him.

He look down, closing his eyes for few seconds passed his hand on his face and finally look at him. He was tired, tired of his brother's behavior.

"Your brother..."

"Tell Voight I be right back, Jim, come with me." Jay take his brother by the arms and force him to go outside under the astonished gaze of his coworker who obviously see the tears in his eyes. The lack of sensitivity to its own brother might shock them but Jay had his reason. But Jim didn't move.

"I'm sorry Jay I...

"What did you do ?"

"What did you do ?" His brother ask him emphasizing the words _"you". _

"What are you talking about ?"

"Father O'Connor he is reported missing apparently...so what did you do Jayson ?

He open his mouth but he didn't say a thing. He know about what his brother was thinking. Jay look his brother right in the eyes, lips sealed. He was missing, how did this happen. This day has a good start but it will sure end bad. Tow days ago Jay had finally find the man which break his brother's life. So he follow him to the church, then they had a little talk. A rought talk, he give him a few punch he yelled at him a long time, and he told him that if he ever touch a kid a again no one will ever find his body.

"Jimmy I didn't saw this son of a beach since you turn ten. I don't know what you're trying to say..."

"Did you killed him ?" He whispered to him. "I just wanted him to apologize."

"He will, I promise little bro. Now go home, get some sleep...and for god of sake stop drinking...you heard stop this shit. It's killing you, and I need you, I need my brother."

Jay take his brother in his arms and watch him left the office. Promising himself to go after this priest and give what his brother wanted. Apologize. It's not the end of the world and after what he did he can give his brother the apology he deserves. When he sit back at his desk, Jay take his head in his hands wondering if things would have been different if he ever talk about what happen to him when he was ten. This day when this priest try to abuse him. No one is aware about that, not even his brother, but the guilt is starting killing him. But the desire of revenge was there to, deep inside his soul Jay wanted this man to suffer for what he did to his little brother.

"You're alright ?" Erin ask him as she gently caress his cheek with her hand not caring about her coworkers which were looking at her oddly.

"I think so."

"Are we interrupting something ?" Voight ask them roughly.

Erin look at her "dad" and after a minutes she left Jay and sit back at her desk. Wondering what made her boyfriend like that. All day the same question where running trough her mind. And at the end of the day, when they were all at Molly's drinking a few beers, Erin was still lost in her mind unless someone take a seat at their table. It was Grace. _"This evening will be a mess"_ She thought to herself. At this moment she wanted one thing, being alone with Jay and enjoy their time together.

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**_What did you think about this chapter ?_**


	3. Like father like son

_**Enjoy this chapter. :)**_

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**_Chapter tree : Like father like son_**

As the minutes past, as Erin felt bored. She was tired of this girl. Since now one hour she was telling them some story about Jay and her when they where in Afghanistan or how he saved her life back then. She was tired of hearing those story, not that she doesn't appreciate to learn more about him, she was glad but she realize that she don't not that much about her boyfriend. And she was always calling him _"Jayson". _She felt reject, and yes she was jealous, jealous of this woman who was really close to Jay, she was always touching his arm, she couldn't help and think that there was something more between the two in the past.

"So you where in Afghanistan together ?" Olinsky ask taking a sip of his beer.

"Yeah we did everything together." Grace answer gently. "This jerk saved my life. I own you everything.

"I already know that Gracie." He smiled and lean his head on her shoulder. It was too much for Erin, so she rose of her chair and walk toward the bar taking another beer tired of seeing her boyfriend flirting with this _"Gracie". _She stay here, looking at them, smiling laughing. She felt ashamed, like a jealous teenager girl. She felt pathetic to react like this.

"You been obvious." She heard a female voice behind her back. She turn her back to face Burgess. "I always know there was something between you and Halstead."

"There is nothing between me and Jay." Erin replied to her. At the same time she felt a hand on her shoulder. She could feel Jay's cologne behind her. She turn to face him and look at him straight in the eyes. Those crystal blue eyes that make her succumb to him. And the way he has to looking at her. It's different than the other girl.

"You alright ?"

"I'm just a little tired." She smiled at him.

"I have to go so, I see you tomorrow."

"I thought you stay place tonight." She said disappointed to canot spend the night with him.

"Yeah, I promise...something to my brother so...see you tomorrow." He said placing a gently kiss on her lips judging there was too much people to notice that he just kiss her.

When he left the bar Jay goes straight to his car and drove one hour to the church were the Father O'Connor should be hiding. Jay pool up his car and watch the old man siting in the stairs with a child who was about ten year old near to him. The anger grown on him. The idea of this man abuse of this kid run through his mind. Jay get out of his car and walk toward them. He tell the boy to get out and take the priest by his shirt to put him on his feat and force him to get on his car. One hour later Jay and the father O'Connor where in a warehouse waiting for Jimmy to finally show up.

"You can't do that." The old man said.

"You rape my brother and many other kids. So you shut up."

"What are you going to do...killing me."

"Don't tempt me." he said in a threatening voice.

After some minutes his brother arrived, he walk toward Jay and his paled face when he saw the man who was bond to a chair in the middle of the room. Jay stare at his little brother speechless. He didn't dared saying something. His heart broke in peaces when he see tears ran down his cheek, for a few seconds he watch Jimmy crying. Then he place a hand on his shoulder and whispered _"He will apologize tonight". _Jimmy shook his head sat on the floor looking at his shaking hand and take of his cap.

"I just want an apology. Nothing else." Jimmy told him as he finally look at him.

"I didn't do anything to you."

"I was seven." He said tears in the eyes. "I was seven."

"I never touch you."

Jay listen to them carefully, his brother was losing patience. He wanted just one thing, an apology. Nothing more, but the Father O'Connor wasn't ready to admit what he did in the past. After a few minutes he change his mind, he said that he was sick at the time and it's why he did that, he even add that now he is cured and he will never touch a kid. But Jay was tired of hearing him justify for his act. His brother wanted apology and since they are here he didn't heard the words he wanted to heard. So after reflection he wen to his car, take his gun who was under his seat and walk toward the Father O'Connor gun in hand. He pressed his gun on his forehead without taking his eyes of him.

"Say you're sorry."

"You can't do that."

"Say you're sorry." He yelled harshly.

"You can't."

"You think..."

He move his gun to his foot and pressed the trigger. A thud echoed through the room, follow by a scream. The priest felt on the floor still bond to the chair screaming in pain. Jay crushed his foot roughly looking him straight in his eyes. He could heard his brother yelling to stop as the O'Connor was begging him for his life.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry." He finally said.

Jay closed his eyes when the words came to his ears. He finally say it. He passed his hand on his face and through his hair. Even if he know those apology will not really help his brother to be better, he had what he wanted. Jay slowly knelt near O'Connor pressing his hand on his foot. He could read the pain on his face, but it doesn't affect him. He doesn't care.

"If I learn that you touch a kid again, I can assure that I will make you beg me for killing you, I will make you suffer like you never had, and no one can hear you scream, not even your god. You can be sure you that no one will ever find your body."

He withdrew his hand cover of blood detaches him and follow his brother who was already outside. He wiped his hand on his jean as Jimmy whispered to him "Why did you do that ?"

"You got what you wanted Jim. Apology. Go home now." He said as he walk away from him.

It was nearly midnight when he push the door of his flat. This night Jay didn't sleep he just sat on his couch thinking about the recent event. Him who criticizing Voight isn't better than him. It's maybe in him, in his vain. As we say _"Like father like son."_

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**_So what did you think about this chapter ? Something you want to see in the next chapter ?_**


	4. Family business

**_First I want to thank you guys for all the review. It's mean a lot for me. :) Thank you to all of you. Again I want to apology for the mistake, I search for someone to correct my story but well I didn't find someone for the moment. _**

**_So here the new chapter, I hope you will like it. Enjoy. :)_**

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**_Chapter four : Family business_**

At dawn, Jay was still sat on his couch. He hasn't moved since he came back home. He was looking at his hands covered of blood. The blood of the man who shattered his brother's life. He had his blood all over his hands but he wasn't feeling guilty at all, it doesn't mean that he was feeling good. Jay was scared, scared of his brother's next mistake, scared of what he will do when he will face his father, scared of Jimmy's reaction when he will learn the reason of their mother death. But the scariest was him. He knew that he shouldn't do that last night, he knew it was bad, but he couldn't help, the desire of making him paid was to strong. He would lie if he said that he never thought about killing the father O'Connor, he would lie he said that he never dream about revenge. It will change nothing, his brother will still be the same.

After a few minutes Jay rose of his couch take off his clothing and go straight to the shower. He let the water dripping on his body as he close his eyes trying to forgot the recent event. How Erin will react if she ever learn what happen last night ? How she will react if she learn that the man she date shot someone ? A man of faith. He wanted to tell her everything, to confide to her his secrets he keep. He wanted to talk to her about his "childhood" about his "dad" and how bad and his felt now he came out of prison. He wanted to, he wasn't just ready for that yet.

When Jay arrived at the office Erin knews by just one simple that something happened. He wasn't like usual, she could see it on his face. Something upsets him. She look at him rubbing his left hand as if he was in pain. When he got up, she decide to follow him. She wanted to know how he was doing. She stare at him doing his coffee. He react his head over her place a smile on his lips and take a sip of his hot coffee.

"Your alright ?" She said a bit worried as she place a hand on his cheek. "You seems...somewhere else."

"I'm alright." He smile at her.

"Ok." She replied not convince. Maybe it's because of his brother. Maybe he seems not really here because he think about his brother. Erin could tell that his brother as serious problem. Not only judging by his apparency, but also his manner of speaking, his hand who was always shaking. Her curiosity bite her, she wanted to know more about Jay, his family, his brother. But instead of asking him a question that could make him felt uncomfortable she prefer to talk about last night. "So I can kill." She saw his face turned pale. "You kiss me last night."

"Yeah...and...you didn't enjoy me kissing you now. ?" He ask with a smile on his lips.

"Not in front of everyone." she said crossing her arms on her chest. "Are you crazy or just stupid ?"

"No one see..."

"Burgess was there, just behind me." She cut him off. "She assure me she will not tell everyone but...actually I'm pretty happy that I can complain about you to someone." She tried to smile. Even if Burgess give her, her words she was still scared that she split out. No that she don't trust her most because that sometimes she talk to much. Especially when she drunk to much.

"And there is so much things to complain ?"

"Very much." She smile.

They smile to each other and Erin watch him make his way back to his desk. It's just after a few seconds that she finally realize that he was holding something in his hands. She couldn't what he was holding but Erin was certain that it was something important to him. Something he care about.

"What's up Halstead ?" She heard Atawater greeting him as she decide to rejoin her desk. "Why did you left so early last night ?"

Jay slowly put the picture he was holding in his wallet and look straight at the young detective without saying anything. Then he whispered "Family business." After all it wasn't a lie at all. It was maybe not the truth but he couldn't tell him what he did last night. He couldn't tell Atwater and the others in the room that he shoot in the feet the man who raped his brother. He couldn't tell them that last night the idea of killing was running through his mind. A loud noise suddenly bring him back to the reality. At this moment he realize several minutes had elapsed. Voight was now talking about the new case and everyone was listening to him, except himself. His eyes were now focus on the board which was covered by several pictures. Those picture remembered him something he would have like to forget. The memory of his dad beating his sick mom to death slowly resurface. Yesterday his dad, Sean like he called him, came out of prison. After seventeen year in prison for the murder of his mom he was free. This man who use to beat him and his mom was out. Jay was scared, scared of his brother wanting to see "daddy" now that he's free, scared of Jimmy learning the truth about their mom's death. He was scared for his brother. He never told him why their dad was in prison, he alway lie to him about who mom died. For Jimmy she died because of the cancer. At the time Jay thought it would break him if he told him the truth so he prefer to lie. Today he was living in the lie, and as the day past, as Jay now that his little brother will not be able to handle the truth. He's to fragile and vulnerable. He wanted to help his brother, but how ? How he could help him ?

"Halstead put yourself together and listen to me." He said looking at him.

"I have to go." He said as he got up and take his jacket in his hands and walk to the stairs. He wanted to see if his brother wasn't gonna do a mistake. And see their dad was maybe the most dangerous. He knew Sean, he will want to see his youngest soon and drink a few beers with him. And Jimmy didn't need that.

"Where do you think you go Halstead ?"

"I...family business boss."  
As he was about to left the district he felt a hand pressed against his arm. He didn't have to turn to face this person, he already knew it was Erin. When she face him, he could tell read on her face that she was worried about him. "What is it ?" She ask rubbing his arm."

"Nothing" What was he was about to say but instead of that he just tell her the truth. "I'm scared for my brother. You saw him yesterday he's...he's still a kid. And I scared of...he is alcoholic and drug addict so...he would do anything to have cocaine. So I'm going to search for my brother and see if...he killed himself slowly and if..." He closed his eyes for about a second, not wanting to think about the impact their dad could make. His brother his a broken man, he killed himself slowly without knowing it and Sean will just finish him. He will finish his own son. "Jay..." She start as she tried to huge him. "No...don't...don't touch me. I'm really not the man you think I am." With those words he left go straight to his car wondering how this journey will end. will it be like yesterday or worse ?

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**_So what did you think of this chapter ? Tell me everything. :)_**


	5. We all have secret

_**I'm really sorry to haven't post early. Hope you will enjoy this chapter.**_

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**_Chapter five : We all have secret._**

Twenty one. It's been twenty one times that Erin tried to call Jay. She was worried about him. She didn't even know where he was. She had know idea what he did and why his brother needed him. Of course she understand what he said to her early, that his brother was alcoholic and drug addict and that he needed his help. But his reaction when she tried to conform him surprise her, even if it's not the first time reject her. He did it when she wanted to know more about the Lonnie case and it end bad. He ended suspect of a murder. The fear start to grown in her as she tried to call him again. It ring twice. _"Hi it's Jay I'm not here for the moment so leave a message or not." _It was his voice mail again. This time she decide to leave a message. "Jay it's Erin...call me back okay."

"Everything alright ?" Antonio ask her.

"Yeah...no. I have no news from Halstead."

"What did he said before he left ?"

"That he had to see his brother." She stop during a few seconds as the face of his little brother came to her mind. "He saw him yesterday you know the..."

"The ginger with a horrible scar ? yeah I remember him. His right hand was shaking all the time. The kid seems lost and...frightened. Jay was rough with him." He said as sat on Erin's desk.

"I didn't even know he had a brother." She close her eyes and lets out a long sigh. "Before he left the district he was...something wrong with him."

"Erin, I'm sure Jay will told us if he was in trouble."

"I don't think so. I thought...after all I know clearly nothing about him."

"Why do you said that ?" Antonio ask concern. He saw in her eyes that she was worried and lost.

"Well this morning a woman knock at the door searching for Jayson and when she saw him she called him Irish man. He has a brother who had serious problem and this morning he was really weird, did you saw him last night ? Think about it I told him my past maybe not everything but he clearly told me nothing about him. Dammit I didn't even know his date of birth."

Antonio watch at Erin in silence a little surprise by her words. He could see the concern on her face, she was worried about Jay. And maybe a little upset too. But after all she was right. Suddenly Dawson start to think about Jay. He know him since more than a year and he didn't know him that much. But maybe Jay his a secret guy, maybe he is discrete and don't want everyone to know everything about him. We all have secret.

"We all have our secret Lindsay. You know that more than everybody. Let him have his secret."

"I don't want..." She look Antonio deep in the eyes and pressed her lips together and stay quiet. She smile to him as she tried to reason herself. _"Maybe it was nothing." _After all Jay was gone to help his brother nothing more. Once again she tried to call him but again it was his voice mail. It was nearly eight, it was dark outside and she cannot help but wondering about what took him so much time. Did his brother really need help all day ? She even star to think that he may be did a mistake. So after reflection she left the district without taking the time to say goodbye and went straight to the firehouse. If she remember correctly his friend, Grace should be there.

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"Hey Severide is Grace here ?" Erin ask him as she follow him to the kitchen and suddenly met Grace face to face.

"In front of you". He smile.

"I'm Erin..."

"Yeah I remember. What do you want ?" She cut her off harshly.

"Do you know where Jay is ? He left the office this morning and he didn't answer my call."

"Look..." She begin and look at Erin in the eyes. "If he left he for sure had a good reason." She said and walk toward the table to start eating. Erin watch her for some seconds before whispering _"I'm worried about him."_ Grace turn her head to face her. She was looking at her differently, but it wasn't a nice look at all.

"So do I" She simply replied without looking at her.

"Well thank you for you help." She said sarcastically and turn her back to Grace which grab her arms. "Jay is a big boy Erin, he can take care of himself alone. After he did it all his life." She stop during a few seconds but this time she look straight at Erin. "I don't know where he is and I'm sorry but...but maybe he don't want you to know where is he and what is he doing. Maybe he take care of his brother trying to make him felt better without drugs or alcohol, trying to make him smile just by buying a new cap to cover his scar. So stop blaming him for trying to be a good brother."

She was speechless, she didn't find something to say. The room was silence and everyone was looking at them oddly. Erin star at Grace, lips sealed wondering if asking for her help wasn't a bad idea after all. She didn't expect her to talk like that, she was rude as she only wanted answers. She just worried about her boyfriend. Erin nodded quickly before taking a deep breath and replied to her.

"Listen Grace I only came here to have some answers because I'm worry about my boyfriend he wasn't like usual today...I care about him." She said before left the firehouse.

* * *

It was nearly eight when Jay came back in the distric. His boots like his jeans were covered of land and wet. His hands were red, red like the blood. His hood on his head Jay made his way to his desk but walk on someone. It was Burgess. He didn't needed that tonight, not someone who ask to much question not after what he did tonight.

At first Burgess wanted just one thing, sleep, but when she saw Halstead she immediately change her mind. His face was covered of bruise and blood it was obvious that he had a fight. When she look down at his hand the young woman noticed those scratch on his hands and this color. They were red. At this moment she realize that he was covered of blood, and judging by his bruise it wasn't his. She take a deep breath and decided that she has to ask him what happen. After all she was still in service.

"What happ..."

"Not of your fucking business Burgess." He cut her off.

"You know..."

"Shut up Burgess. Do like me and keep your mouth shut." He said as he pushed her violently and disappeared in the dark. Jay walk toward the locker room and sat on the bench looking at his bloody hands. The blood of the father O'Connor. Today was a bad day for him. His dad, Sean came to see him, they fight in front of Jimmy, in the cemetery. In front of their mom's grave. And once again Sean left his son on the floor. After 17 years he has not changed. He was still the same. But what broke Jay wasn't his dad's blow after all it's being like that all his children. What broke his heart was the look of his brother. He didn't understand why they were fighting. He didn't understand why he wasn't happy that their dad was out of prison. Jimmy was lost. And he could only blame himself, if Jay explain him seventeen years before that daddy killed mommy Jimmy wouldn't have been so lost but he would have been broken. After that Jimmy left with his dad. Jay spent the day looking for them without success. So when he stop his car in front of this church and saw the father O'Connor talking to a kid, he decide to let all his frustration and anger blow. He take him in the woods beat him during long hours yelling at him, asking him how many times he abuse of his brother, how many children he rape or if he was the first. After long hours in the cold he left this man to the input of a hospital unconcerned of what will happen next.

Alone in the dark, Jay finally let the tears run down his cheeks. For the first time in his life he remind the day when this man tried to rape him. For the first time he let himself being weak.

* * *

**_What did you think about this chapter ?_**


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